and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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