i was born a porn star she said
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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