So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
