Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
