Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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