Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
