What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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