hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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