don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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