You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude. I can hear the air.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
