brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
