I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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