i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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