Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
