just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
