She's JV to your varsity
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
