do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
