Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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