Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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