My sheets look like a crime scene.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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