Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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