When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
