Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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