i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
