You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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