I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
