It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
