I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
