Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
