last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
