Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
