Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
