I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
