It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
