Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
