I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
