ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
