First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
