I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
