I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
