Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
