Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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