5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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