i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
