I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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