I am puke
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
