I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize