sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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