Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
