just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
