i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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