just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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