I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize