I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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