I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to calm my uterus...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
