just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
