Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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