grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
