umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
