barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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