Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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