Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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