bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
