Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
