On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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