You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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