His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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