I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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