We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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