im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize