youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
