based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize