how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
