look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
