Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
