she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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