saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize