Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
