i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
