I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
