Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
