So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
