The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
