East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
