you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
